I've got lots to update - pictures and everything!
But this morning I'm gonna share my heart.
Sleep is elusive for me right now. My mind isn't shutting down. It's not that I'm overly worried or anything is wrong - it's just stuff. My to do list. For the last week or so I've been waking up usually between 2 & 4 am. I've taken two Tylenol PM's at 10pm and I'm up at 2 - awake. Last night I took a melatonin pill (5mg) about 10 and I'm I've been awake since 3. Oh I slept hard for awhile - I can tell since my throat hurts so much from snoring!!!! But it's not a restful sleep...does that make sense? My family Dr gave me something to help me sleep on my trip (nothing real strong like Ambian) - but it has something it in to keep me calm (I used it for a short time after we lost mom) - anyhow - I might try it tonight. It's catching up to me. I sincerely ask for prayers for restful sleep. Meanwhile as I sit here typing - Cocoa is behind me snoring on the couch! =)
I'm really distracted. I guess that is to be expected. The boys have been so patient with my suitcases and the piles on them. As I think of things that I need, I toss it on the right suitcase. But in the meantime of all that I'm forgetting things that I just did or that I need to do. Do keep my boys in your prayers as well. I know this is will difficult on them as well and that is on my heart/mind.
The most common question people ask is if I'm ready. I can rattle off everything that is done and everything left to do in a heartbeat.
But it's what I can't prepare for that is on my heart and mind. I find myself drawn to the pictures and links I've shared with you guys about the Mathare Valley over the last 9 months. Looking at the pictures over and over. I don't know that I can ever be prepared. I remember the words that Amy shared with me - this is normal for the residents of the Mathare Valley. I need to grasp that and take it to heart. Not that their living conditions are by any means acceptable. They don't know what it is like to sleep on a bed or just go to the fridge and get a snack if they are hungry. They can't just run to the store and get meds when their kids wake up with a fever in the middle of the night. They can't go get a drink of water in the middle of the night. I can't imagine.
This is hard to explain and I don't want it to come out wrong.
I've been trying to type this out for the last 30 minutes and I can't get it right. Not sure I can. But again, I sincerely ask for your prayers. I need to find a way to prepare my heart and mind for this experience.
But God has been faithful from the beginning. This is His trip and I know the old saying. If God brings you TO it, He will bring you THROUGH it. I trust and believe that God will equip me as He sees fit. Maybe my heart DOES need to be broken for me to what God has planned for me next. Maybe this is His way of getting me to see people as He sees them. Justin, Michael's friend from work who just came back from Cambodia told me that although these people have little or nothing - they have so much more than we do in a difference sense. Maybe that is His purpose behind this trip for me. NOT THAT THIS TRIP IS ABOUT ME....but I KNOW God can do His purpose in all things.
Ok...I've been working on this short post for the last hour and an a half. It's now 4:30 in the morning and I think I'll go try to curl up on the couch for a bit. Michael just got up - said I jinxed him by inviting him to share the early morning with me...and now he's up. =) And he wants the computer!
Thanks for staying with me tonight on this post. I know it's deeper than normal - but I wanted to record what I'm feeling - good and bad. I'm not sure I explained it properly -and I still have more to share - but I think you can feel my heart.
We will return to regular programming later today. We went medicine shopping yesterday!!
Update:
Dozed on the couch from 5-6 and then curled up back in bed with Michael where I slept till 7:30 - time to get up for church! I'll take the rest where I can get it!
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