Seeking God's Will...

For the last few weeks I've had something on my heart. I haven't shared it with everyone yet because it is still in the works.


But this weekend is decision weekend for us.

I've wanted to go on a mission trip for some time now. Recently it's been a stronger pull to do something that is going to make a difference for others. Not sure if it has something to do with me turning 40 this year - is it a mid life crisis?? Is this something I want to do for me? For others to see me do? Or is it God's will? How do I figure this out?

I'm not sure to some of the answers up there. I wouldn't call it a mid life crisis by any means. I know that turning 40 is a moment of crisis for some. But I am truly the opposite. I think that being here 40 years is a blessing! God has something planned for me and I'm still working towards that! Each day He is working something good in me - changing me.

Am I doing this just for me? I think it is clear from people who have gone on a missions trip that missions trips are about helping others - but typically it is the missionary that is blessed. So in a sense, yes, this is for me - but not in a selfish all about me sense. I sure hope that makes sense!

Am I doing this for others to see me do? Sure people will know. Sure I will share it with everyone. I am expecting this to be a complete God thing and I'll never be the same. BUT the purpose of a Christian is not to point to themselves but to point to Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He made for each of us. I pray that as I experience this and afterwards I'll never be the same. That the Holy Spirit will move deep within me and change me in every way. That when I talk to others about this and share - they will see that it was the work of the Holy Spirit and I am just doing what God wants me to do.

Is this God's will? I think this one is the hardest. Learning to step aside my will, my thoughts and desires on this and truly seek if this is from God. Hard to do. I WANT to go. But if this isn't from God then I want no part of it.

So I've been praying and asking others to pray for a clear decision. Michael isn't 100% on this yet - he is worried about my safety. So I'll admit that I have asked others to pray to soften his heart. BUT I've requested prayers that his heart is softened towards the idea - to consider it, not that I get to go. Big difference there. Michael and I have been discussing this for a month now - and he said that he is honestly considering it...he said that "If this is a God thing, who am I to step in the way."

I have a meeting to go to Sunday at after church. To find out more information about the trip. Maybe I'll get an answer there if this is the one for me. Maybe I get some information that will give Michael some peace. There is lots to consider, lots to discuss and lots to pray about.

So I ask that you pray for God's will on this as well.

I leave this in His hands.